


Beneath The Surface

by AMidnightDreary



Series: The Mage's Hands [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bruce still ships it, M/M, References to Norse Religion & Lore, a little bit of angst i guess?, but also fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-04-30 05:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14489952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/pseuds/AMidnightDreary
Summary: Tony's plan (that included a too small ship and just two bedrooms) has worked, but somehow this is still mess. It would be a lie to say he doesn't like it, though.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again!  
> So, this is the sequel to "Reaching Out", which should be read before this. I'm so happy about the lot of positive feedback I've gotten for that one! Thank you so much for that. And for showing so much interest in a sequel!  
> This is the first chapter of three (if my plan works out; I'm not done writing, so it could be shorter or longer in the end), and I'll post the next one next week. Earlier if I can manage!  
> It's more from Tony's point of view, this time. I hope you like it! Please let me hear what you think. ^.^

Something is utterly odd when Tony wakes up. There's an unfamiliar weight on his chest and the bed beneath him doesn't feel quite right, even though it's comfortable enough to make getting up a very unpleasant idea. But it's almost too warm and cozy, and his mind is so foggy from sleep that he can't figure out why, and so he blinks his eyes open after a few unsuccessful attempts to fall asleep again. He frowns at the low ceiling that definitely isn't the ceiling of his bedroom at home. And then there's that sound again that has woken him up in the first place, a tentative knocking at the door – and Tony remembers.

Suddenly very much awake, he lifts his head to stare, forgetting the knock at once. The first thing he sees is black hair, stunningly messy, and then much pale skin that's only partially covered by the blanket one of them – he thinks it wasn't him, though – has somehow managed to pull over them.

Ah, yes. Tony remembers. And there's nothing he can do about the probably ridiculous grin that spreads across his face.

“Uh, guys? It's morning already, are you awake?”

Oh. Right, there _is_ a third person on this ship. Tony almost doesn't care, but Bruce sounds concerned and tense, and maybe it'd be a good idea to change that before anything green happens.

“Yes”, Tony calls, still grinning. “We're fine, doc.”

 _You don't even know_ how _fine._

There's a muffled groan coming from the god – a literal _god_ in his bed, hell, he'll never be over that – and Tony is somewhat impressed by Loki's ability to make a single “nghh” sound so disapproving. The inventor blinks down at the mage, wondering if that could be a sign of something equally horrible as regret, but then Loki huddles up closer to him and buries his face in the crook of Tony's neck.

And Tony thought Loki wasn't the cuddling type.

“I know”, Bruce says in a tone that can't decide whether it wants to be amused or annoyed. “It definitely sounded like you were _fine_.”

Tony lets his head fall back onto the pillows, remembering that Bruce's booth is right next to theirs. Maybe he should move to another one for the rest of their trip, because Tony really doesn't intend to restrain himself (or rather, the volume of his noises) when he and Loki are fortunately forced to share a bed, and since they've _finally_ sorted out their feelings – at least to some extent – Tony is sure that Loki will completely agree. Sadly, there _are_ no other sleeping booths on this ship, so Bruce will just have to deal with them, probably.

“Do you think you'll get out of bed any time soon?”, Bruce asks through the door. “Because I'm afraid we're in trouble.”

“Aren't we always?”

“Just get up already, okay? I'm in the labs”, Bruce replied, now definitely more amused than annoyed. Thank god. “And bring your boyfriend.”

Tony snorts as he hears steps receding from the door. His hand finds his way into Loki's entangled hair, playing with the soft strands. “Loki?”

The mage's answer consists of a reluctant hum that somehow turns into a sound similar to a _purr_ when Tony begins to massage the god's scalp. Tony smirks, allowing himself for a few more moments to just enjoy the warmth of Loki's body, so trustingly pressed against his side. And all without tensing up – he thinks he has never seen the god so unwound, and Tony _loves_ it.

But of course it doesn't last long, because that would be too easy. No, Tony knows Loki and his almost impressive ability to _think_ himself into doubting and hurting well enough by now, and he's practically watching that process right now. He feels Loki – ahh, there it is – tensing up, and in the end the Asgardian breaks away from him. Carefully disentangling their limbs, Loki sits up, not looking at Tony while he does so. It doesn't prevent the engineer from noticing the worried frown and the almost anxious look in the god's eyes, even if Loki is obviously trying to keep his expression blank. And the fact that he's failing is worrying enough on its own.

“Hey”, Tony says, supporting himself on his elbow to nudge Loki in the side with his other hand. “Stop.”

Loki _almost_ flinches, but that's the only reaction Tony gets. He suppresses a sigh and sits up as well, and at that Loki moves and hides his hands beneath the blanket. Tony hasn't seen any sparks, so probably it's just some kind of prevention, but whatever, it _bothers_ Tony.

“Hey”, he tries again, trying to sound lighthearted. “Do you want to tell me what the problem is?”

The answer is obviously a “no”, judging by the way Loki stiffens even more, but Tony forces himself to wait patiently for a few moments. And, oh wonder, he even gets a reward.

The reward sucks, though, but at least it's some kind of reaction. It consists of a piercing glare, green eyes ablaze with frustration and anger, and suddenly Loki moves. He climbs out of bed, the movement more fluid and graceful than anything Tony would have managed. Sadly, the human doesn't get the time to appreciate the sight – he could spend _hours_ just gaping at that backside, really – because of the green golden shimmer that covers Loki for a moment, replacing smooth pale skin with leather and green fabric. And before Tony knows what's happening, the god has turned his back on him, obviously heading to the door.

“Hey!”, Tony all but shouts while scrambling to get on his knees on the bed. Confusion and hurt and a plain feeling of _I fucked up, I fucked up_ cause him to raise his voice more than intended, and Loki doesn't even seem to _notice._ “Don't you dare walk out on me now!”

But Loki's hand is already on the door handle, and Tony does the first thing that comes to his mind – realizing too late that throwing the nearest pillow at someone as fond of chaos and destruction as the God of Mischief might not be the best idea he's ever had. More words fall from his lips in a haste, without him knowing what he's saying, but he instantly stops when he sets his eyes on Loki's hand that has caught the pillow at the last second.

When Loki notices that _Tony_ has noticed, he immediately drops the pillow to hide his hands behind his back instead.

So, it seems that the earlier hiding of his hands wasn't only a prevention after all. God, Tony isn't nearly awake enough for this, and his mind stumbles while trying to understand what the hell is going on, because they were _fine,_ weren't they, and he doesn't want Loki to look at him like this, and -

“I _can_ not stop”, Loki hisses at him, pulling him out of his not that tiny twinge of panic.

Tony blinks at the mage, trying to make the connections, and when he does he's tempted to throw another pillow, just for good measure. “You thought – what, Loki, _no_.”

“You told me to stop”, Loki counters, voice icy.

“To stop _tormenting yourself_ , goddammit”, Tony says, trying to keep himself from snarling. “I would never – god, I didn't even _see_ them, okay?”

Loki's feigned aloofness cracks a little at Tony's rambled words, a hint of understanding finding its way into his eyes. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh”, Tony agrees, and then he's at loss for words.

They just stare at each other for a while, and if he weren't on the edge of panic right now Tony would almost find it ridiculous. Loki is so _sensitive_ when it comes to his magic, and of course he has taken Tony's simple “Stop” the wrong way – a misunderstanding, nothing more. No one's fault, they just have to talk and sort it out a little. But Tony's horrible at such things, and he's had his share of confessions and deep talks about fucking feelings yesterday, so this day that has started pretty good turned pretty bad surprisingly fast.

“I thought you were bothered by...”, Loki says suddenly, apparently not knowing how to finish his sentence. “And since I truly can not stop, I thought it'd be better if I...”

“Storm off without telling me why”, Tony ends. “Yes. Not good.”

It's obvious that Loki is uncomfortable, and that's somehow a good sign, isn't it? The god seems reluctant for a few seconds, but then the tension leaves his body, at least a bit, and his shoulders almost slump.

“I misunderstood”, he says. “Forgive me.”

Yes, those last words usually sound mocking and provocative every time Loki uses them to fake apologize, but now there's a touch of softness in his voice, telling Tony that he means it sincerely. And well, Tony knows that he would've reacted just the same way Loki did, making something big out of something so absurdly small, and so he doesn't really have the right to hold it against the god.

“Okay”, he mutters. “I'm sorry, too. I don't want you to believe that I -”

“It's alright.”

The silence that follows gets awkward rather quickly, and aren't they both good at this. At least Tony's flash of panic has ceased, and he's able to take a deep breath and form coherent thoughts.

“So”, he says, “clean slate? Can we do that?”

Loki looks actually relieved, but he nods only hesitantly and keeps his hands behind his back, safe from Tony's eyes. After a short while, he seems to pull himself together, approaching Tony with cautious steps until he stands in front of him. Tony has no idea what to say, and for a while he just looks up to the god – why is he so fucking tall? - and ponders over what to say. In the end his mouth speaks on its own account.

“Show me?”, he requests tentatively, already expecting a snarl or at least a scowl, but Loki just seems... ashamed?

Not for the first time Tony thinks that, for a god, Loki has alarmingly little self esteem. Every time that flickers through Loki's usually so confident behaviour, it makes the inventor angry – angry at everyone who has ever made Loki feel like his magic or anything else about him is something he should be ashamed of.

Tony is pulled out of his fleeting fit of anger when Loki actually sits down next to him and shows him his hands, the movement hesitant and evidently uneasy. The god watches his face carefully, probably waiting to see something like disgust or repulsion. Tony only reacts with a tight but sincerely relieved smile that Loki doesn't return before he looks down to examine the mage's hands.

There _are_ sparks, but so much fainter and softer looking than the day before. No wonder he hasn't seen them, they're barely there at all. Yesterday, when they sat together outside, Loki's hands were _blazing_ , the individual sparks flickering into life with torrid force before dying out again after a split second of raging. It was striking, downright beautiful even in its apparent destructiveness. These, however...

The green and gold are calmer, now, almost lazily dancing over the pale skin of Loki's hands. They also don't look as gleaming as yesterday, their light more dim and maybe even warmer. Now and then a more defiant spark flares up, a small reminder of Loki's still present discomfort.

“They're different than yesterday”, Tony states calmly, looking up again to meet the god's eyes.

For a brief moment, Loki just looks at him, but then he lifts his shoulders in a gesture of helplessness, lowering his gaze. He moves his fingers as if that could chase away the sparks.

“These aren't caused by...”, Loki trails of for a second, frowning, “at least not _fully_ caused by distress. More by...”

He trails off again, his mouth twitching in what seems to be frustration, and somehow, Tony understands. Something clicks, and he stares at the trickster, searching for a sign that his assumptions are right. He remembers what Loki has said about those magical splashes – that it's his way of letting off some steam. Tony has instantly linked that to negative emotions, but _good_ feelings can be overwhelming as well, right? So maybe -

“Happiness?”, he suggests carefully, hoping that it won't earn him another glare.

Loki just seems somewhat startled, and his expression even looses a bit of its edge when he returns Tony's gaze. “I wouldn't know”, Loki says, his voice quiet.

“They look happy, kind of”, Tony replies decidedly, not intending to probe into Loki's obvious bitterness even if it makes that anger rise up again. “Well, at least not as parching as yesterday. May I?”

Again, Loki hesitates, but in the end he allows Tony to take his hands. Instantly amazed, Tony strokes over the skin – he doesn't think that he has touched Loki's hands like this before, even though they must have touched practically every single one of each other's body parts in the last night. But well, they've kind of jumped in at the deep end, skipping the whole “Let's hold hands!” part.

Loki's hands are warm and soft, and the drizzle of his magic is... soothing. Tony can feel it on his own skin now, and somehow it reminds him of the way Loki touched him last night. It feels almost the same, feather-light and gentle caresses and tender kisses that no one would believe Loki is capable of. The sharper sparks of Loki's magic feel like the god's nails digging into Tony's skin, or like his teeth when he bites, greedy and possessive, leaving marks but never really hurting.

“They're nice”, Tony mutters softly, unable to avert his eyes from their entwined fingers. “Warm. I like them.”

Loki doesn't answer anything, seemingly still uncomfortable, but he lets Tony have his way, watching as the inventor positively cradles the god's hands in his own. After a while, Tony manages to look up again, not entirely surprised to see disbelieve and suspicion in Loki's face.

“So, you're... you weren't hurting?”, Tony asks, keeping up the caressing movements of his fingers.

“No, I am fine.” Loki seems wary, but Tony also notices that the tension has finally left his body. “I'm just not used to... this.”

Tony gives an affirmative hum. “Me neither. But – I mean, it's fine, right? Or do you... regret it? Anything we did?”

“No”, Loki replies instantly, suddenly almost clutching at Tony's hands. “No, certainly not.”

Something like pain flashes in the god's eyes, and Tony isn't sure if the god notices, but his sparks increase in temperature, almost burning Tony's skin where they strike it. The inventor gives his best to not let it show.

“But if you do, I will -”, Loki continues, but Tony breaks him off at once.

“I don't”, he says, grasping Loki's hands more tightly and looking into the god's eyes. “Look, if I had magic, I'd probably be sparkling as well. Okay? It's fine. We're fine.”

He forces himself to smile, wanting them both to believe that they _are_ fine. But Loki's eyes tell clearly enough that he's not yet convinced, and Tony doesn't want to see that look at all, so he sighs and closes up on the god. He'd like to kiss him, but somehow he doesn't dare, and so just keeps the mage's hands safe in his own and buries his face in Loki's shoulder.

“Just don't walk out on me like that, okay?”, he mutters into the leather. “Not without telling me what's wrong. God, you actually gave me a fright.”

“You literally threw a pillow at me”, Loki replies dryly.

“Because I was frightened”, Tony says, frustration coloring his voice. “I'm serious. Don't do that again.”

“I won't”, Loki says quietly, making it sound like an apology, and suddenly he wraps his arm around Tony, pulling him close.

The inventor briefly remembers that he's still naked, but he can't bring himself to care. He's being childish, probably, such a small misunderstanding shouldn't have him so whacked. But well, he has meant what he's said the day before – he _is_ trying to not fuck this up, and fearing that he has managed to ruin something without even being aware of what he's done isn't nice. He just wants this to work, and if he doesn't know what's wrong he can't try to fix it, so that sucks. And Loki is important, is _everything,_ maybe, and the last thing Tony wants is to see him walk away.

It's a real mess, this whole being in love thing. Especially when the chosen one is an alien god who's seen millennia pass by and been to presumably ever corner of the universe. For someone like Tony, who has a habit of driving away the people he loves, it's somewhat impossible to make someone like Loki _stay. S_ o yes, the mage will probably leave as soon as he's bored, and Tony knows that Loki gets bored quite easily and – and Tony spends his time with whining and being more clingy than he should be.

And so, even though Loki doesn't seem to mind that clinging right now, Tony breaks away and stands up, not quite meeting Loki's eyes.

“Do you want to talk about this new kind of, you know, fireworking?”, he asks while he gathers his clothes (they're neatly folded next to the bed, thanks to Loki's magic). He tries to distract himself from how _deeply_ invested he's in this mess, stepping over to his suitcase to pull some fresh clothes out of it. “You don't have to, of course. But you can, if you want.”

Loki is silent for a moment, his eyes fixed on Tony while he dresses himself. He's frowning, looking at Tony like he knows that something isn't quite right, but at least he doesn't seem pissed anymore.

“This never happened before, I think”, Loki says, the words sounding carefully chosen. “Well, maybe when I was a child... I don't remember.”

“Should we worry about that it happens right now?”

“No, I think it's... what you said. And it ceases already, see?”

He's right, Tony realizes – the drizzling sparks flare up only occasionally now, some of them the most of them only barely visible. It looks like they will soon be gone entirely, and a part of Tony mourns the loss, because it _is_ a beautiful thing to watch.

“My magic just reacts to my confusion”, Loki says quietly, and then he stands up.

Fully dressed in jeans and one of his band shirts, Tony watches as the trickster picks up the book about Norse Mythology Tony has shown him yesterday; apparently they had somehow knocked it from the bed to the ground at some point in the last night.

“All of this happened rather quickly”, Loki adds, glancing down at the book's cover before returning his gaze to Tony. He seems pensive, careful, and he doesn't sound like this is the beginning of some kind of break-up talk, but Tony still feels nervousness and irritation tightening his chest. Again. Loki seems to notice instantly, and steps into Tony's personal space with the book still in his not anymore sparkling hands.

“I'm glad it happened”, Loki tells him, sounding honest enough to make Tony almost uncomfortable. “And I _am_ happy. But there are a lot of... _feelings_ I'm not particularly used to.”

He says the word _feelings_ just like Tony himself would have, with reluctance and a touch of disdain, and Tony quickly decides that they should let this topic down. And what Loki said is _enough_ , enough to make Tony believe that Loki wants this to work as well. That he truly wants him, just as Tony wants the mage, and is only equally incapable when it comes to honesty, to making himself vulnerable by voicing his feelings. It's something they have in common. But they _are_ talking about this, and Tony considers that a success.

“Good feelings, yes?”, is the only thing he asks, and Loki smiles.

“Yes”, the mage affirms. “Good, but unfamiliar, and slightly...”

“Scary?”, Tony offers, because _he_ has already admitted that he's frightened, so hearing that the god feels the same would be quite comforting.

And, to the inventor's surprise, Loki nods, even though he seems reluctant to do so.

So, they are both scared and maybe a wee bit overwhelmed, Tony thinks, but that probably goes with the more enjoyable aspects of their new... situation. And they had managed to talk, after all, and Loki is happy and was sparkling because of _Tony_ , so they'll be fine. Somehow.

“Okay”, Tony says cheerfully, taking the book from Loki and tossing it into his suitcase. “Care for breakfast? I'm starving, and you haven't eaten since like, when? Two days?”

Loki quirks his brow at the sudden change of topic, but he's still smiling. “Didn't Dr. Banner ask for our help?”

“We'll just stop by at the pantry. I'm taking a shower first, though.”

Loki nods, and soon Tony has left the room. It'd be a lie to say that wasn't a flight, but the inventor believes that both of them could use some time alone to get a chance to sort their thoughts. Not that Tony succeeds, his mind's still a mess when he returns to their room half an hour later. He finds the mage sitting on their - yes, completely _their_ bed now - , reading in Tony's book. He stands up to join the inventor when he notices him. Without allowing himself to think, Tony grasps Loki's hand to drag the god with him, and to his delight Loki entwines their fingers, not letting go of them the entire way to the small kitchen.

Yes, they'll be fine. Tony wants them to be fine, and he also doesn't want to let go of Loki's hand, even that's kind of required when they make their breakfast in the kitchen. The silence between them is not entirely uncomfortable, but Tony knows that neither of them has forgotten their admittedly not so nice start of this day. But still, Loki is smiling and Tony returns it just gladly. They eat their sandwiches on the way to the labs, their steps slow as if to expand the time they have alone. Tony watches Loki amusedly as the god devours his breakfast. It's kind of fascinating how _fast_ the mage can eat.

“Is that story true, by the way?”, Tony asks, out of curiosity and to fill the silence. “That one where you have an eating match with some guy in... I've forgot the name. Something with 'gard' in the end.”

“Utgard”, Loki says, the pace of his eating slowing down. His mouth twitches and a sulking look fills his eyes, but his smile returns as soon as he looks at Tony. “It's a place in Jötunheimr. You probably refer to the feats we were to perform for Utgard-Loki.”

“So that really happened?”, Tony exclaims with a laugh, forgetting his sandwich immediately. “Like, the whole thing?”

Loki rolls his eyes, returning half of his attention to his breakfast. “Well, Thor certainly didn't create tides by drinking a quarter of your ocean, but apart from that the most part of the story is true, yes. ”

“You had an eating contest with _fire_?”

“And little Thjalfi ran against thought, yes.” Loki's smile gets an mischievous touch. “It were illusions, demeaning but great tricks. And I admit that it was amusing to see Thor fight against old age and try to lift...”

Loki stills and stops to eat, his smile faltering. Tony can't read the god's expression, but it isn't hard to tell that something is wrong. “Lokes?”

Loki blinks, and Tony can watch as he hides whatever it is that's come over him, even though the process doesn't last longer than a second.

“Jörmungandr”, Loki finishes his sentence with a feigned smile – Tony _knows_ the difference – and takes the last bites of his sandwich. “The World Serpent.”

And then Tony realizes that they have already arrived at the labs, because Loki swiftly opens the door and walks in, greeting Bruce with a polite “Good morning, Dr. Banner”.

And Tony's left with a horrible, bad, absolutely not good feeling.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A picture of scales leads to a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter!  
> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos! I'm happy you liked the first part. Last chapter will be up next weekend.

Bruce is all knowing smiles and affectionate annoyance. Well, maybe it's just annoyed annoyance because they've been keeping him awake the whole night. Still, the look in the scientist's eyes is kind, and Tony thinks he's actually happy for them.

Not that there's much to be happy about in the moment, but anyway. It's the thought that counts, right?

“Here”, Bruce says, tracing his finger along the screen. “Do you see that?”

Sadly, Tony does. He wishes he didn't, but right now it's impossible to oversee. It's like one of these optical illusions – you don't see the silhouettes the right way, you believe you don't see _anything_ at all, and then someone points it out to you and oh, there it is.

“Are those scales?”, he asks, staring at the picture one of their cameras has taken on the ground of the sea, thousands of feet beneath them. It was JARVIS who discovered it, and who has edited the picture so Bruce could see it as well, and now they are all in front of the screen and frowning at it.

“J, please tell me those aren't scales.”

“ _I'm afraid I couldn't do that without lying, sir._ ”

“They're practically everywhere”, Bruce says. “On every picture we've taken. It looks as if it's half buried in the ground, whatever it is. And what can be seen of it looks like stone, or sand. Like water, even. The scales blend in with their surroundings, that's why we haven't noticed them before.”

“So, what is it, then?”, Tony mutters, swiping over another screen to take a look at their updated measurements, but they are as weird and unnatural as they were on the first day of their trip. He still looks for something that says _I'm not what you think I am, so calm the fuck down_. God, he hopes Bruce has a scientific theory based on biology and other logical things. “Some kind of animal?”

“It's too big”, Bruce dismisses, leaning back in his chair. “It could be a yet unknown species, of course, but something about that thing isn't normal.”

Of course it isn't. “Does it move?”

“ _It doesn't seem so, sir_ ”, JARVIS jumps in when Bruce stays quiet. “I _'m afraid there's only so much I can tell you about it. I've made a few tests, of course, but the results are rather underwhelming._ ”

“It's almost as if that thing doesn't want to be examined”, Bruce adds, sounding tired. “The results are different every time, it doesn't make any sense at all.”

“Yes”, Tony mutters. “I know that phenomenon.”

Sometimes, Tony hates magic just as much as he's fascinated by it. On a few rare occasions, Loki has allowed him to run a few tests in his lab back at home – his eyes innocent and his smile smug each time his magic just _refused_ to cooperate with Tony's science, making all results and measurements simply useless. Only when Loki allowed it (after he'd had his fun driving Tony nuts) his magic would comply, bestowing Tony the most fantastic outcomes.

Now, Tony searches for another explanation, something that makes sense and doesn't leave him in a situation that's somehow emotionally loaded. Because, if he is right, and when those particular myths he has in mind are true... Then they're probably fucked. Tony tries to remember the name – he has trouble memorizing those strange Norse names, and it doesn't help that he has no idea how to pronounce them – and glares at the scales the picture shows, only barely visible in the dark bottom of the see. Jorman? Jomungad? That World Snake thing. Loki has said the name like twenty minutes ago, why is it – _Loki_.

Loki, who has said the name earlier. Who has been awfully quiet the whole time. God, that bastard.

“Loki”, he calls, not bothering to turn around to where his lover is standing.

“Yes?”, the god replies instantly, voice flat.

“Care to tell us something?”

Loki doesn't answer, and Tony makes his chair spin around to look at the mage who's standing a few feet behind them. And that one look is enough for Tony to tell that Loki feels _bad_ , even though he tries to not let it show. But his face that's pale enough as it is is terribly white now, and the smile on his lips is too tight and doesn't reach his wide, green eyes. At least his hands aren't drizzling again.

Tony points at the screen that still shows the photo. “Is that what I think it is?”

“What do you mean?” Loki smiles his trickster smile, the smile that he uses to wrap everyone and everything around his little finger, but well, that stopped working with Tony a long time ago.

“Oh, come on, Lokes. You know I've read that book.”

And Loki's shoulders slump, his smile just fades from his face and the remorse that replaces it seems almost sincere. He doesn't say anything, though, his eyes flickering from Tony to Bruce to the screen. Tony thinks he can see the god thinking, searching for a way out of this conversation. He almost expects him to teleport away every passing second.

“How long did you know?”, Tony asks, and immediately Loki's gaze is fixed on him.

“I didn't”, he says, his voice firm. “I did not _realize_. I should have, but I... had my mind on other things.”

There's anger in Loki's green eyes, probably directed against himself for being that oblivious, anger and maybe even something like contrition. Tony finds that he believes the god, even though Loki _would_ have fooled him thirty seconds ago if given the chance. And even now Tony can't really say whether he trusts Loki's words because they can be trusted or because he clearly isn't impartial anymore (hasn't been for a long time when it comes to the God of Mischief, but now probably less than ever before).

“I would have told you”, Loki says, an edge to his voice that begins to worry the inventor. “I would have.”

“You had this epiphany like half an hour ago”, Tony reminds the trickster, clearly remembering the way Loki has stilled and stopped eating his breakfast the second he thought of Jorwhatever. “You didn't say a word.”

“I wanted to wait for -”

“For what, the right moment?”, Tony broke him off. “Lame excuse, really.”

“Could somebody tell me what's going on?”, Bruce pipes up, sparing Loki an answer. “You _know_ what this thing is?”

“He's not a _thing_ ”, Loki hisses at the scientist, and that's enough to confirm Tony's last assumption.

“Oh my god.” He tries to wrap his head around that new (well, not _new_ new, but odd, anyway) information. _Just... how??_ “So that's also true, isn't it? Hell, that's... I don't even know.”

“I've still no clue what you're talking about”, Bruce remarks, confused gaze swaying between Tony and Loki.

“You tell him, Lokes.”

But apparently the god doesn't intend to do so. He just looks at Tony, expression kept carefully blank. After a few moments, Tony sighs.

“JARVIS, tell Bruce about Loki's kids. The three important ones.”

“ _According to the myths, Mr. Laufeyson is the father to three children of a giantess with the name Angrboda_ ”, The A.I. explains, “a _wolf named Fenrir, Hel, the goddess of death, and the World Serpent Jörmungandr._ ”

“Serpent”, Bruce repeats, blinking in confusion. Then, understanding dawns, and he stares back at the picture and looks mildly horrified. “As in _sea serpent_?”

“Yup”, Tony says, his own gaze fixed on Loki. “With scales just like that, probably. And a lot of magic to make any scientific examination fruitless. Right, Rudolph?”

He can see Loki's eyes harden in reaction to the nickname Tony knows he hates, and the engineer has to suppress a brief flash of guilt, because what he's seeing in Loki's expression isn't anger. But well, _Tony_ is angry right now, even though he can't exactly say why, and so he tries to store the thought that he has hurt his trickster away. Of course Loki doesn't make it that easy.

“Ah, I see”, Loki snarls. “We are back to those endearing pet names now, are we, Stark?”

“I wouldn't know, you never gave me one.”

“Oh please, as if -”

“Guys, this isn't really a good time to fight”, Bruce jumps in, somewhere between exasperated and concerned. “We still have a problem here.”

“We aren't fighting”, Tony counters instantly without averting his gaze from Loki.

“Oh, I think that we are”, the trickster all but croons, voice almost uncomfortably soft. “So, Dr. Banner, I'd appreciate it if you left us alone for a short while.”

“I, uh”, Bruce says slowly, “I don't think that's a good idea.”

“It's fine”, Tony tells the other scientist, tearing away from Loki's piercing eyes to turn around in his chair and look at the photo again. “Go, we'll be with you again in twenty minutes, tops.”

Bruce hesitates, but after a few seconds he retreats with a mumbled “Please don't kill each other”. He'll probably go to the room right next to this one, Tony thinks – not exactly eavesdropping, but on guard.

It doesn't comfort Tony at all right now.

“You are angry with me”, Loki says behind him. It's not one of his furious hisses, he doesn't even sound hurt anymore. In fact, Tony wasn't sure if there was any kind of emotion in the god's voice.

The inventor doesn't know what to say. His chest feels too tight, and there _is_ anger flooding through his veins, and it's easiest to think it's directed against Loki.

“Is it because I have children?”, the mage asks. He sounds pensive but entirely unaffected, as if he doesn't even _care_ about this. “You knew that. You read the book.”

“Why would I be angry about that?”, Tony replies, getting even more mad when he doesn't quite manage to keep his voice as flat as Loki's.

“They have been called monsters more times than I can count.”

Tony snorts, even though that probably isn't the appropriate reaction given the fact that that's actually fucking sad. “That's not the point”, he dismisses sharply, finally turning around to look at Loki again.

“Then tell me what is”, the mage pleads – and it _is_ a plea, however calm and callous Loki's voice sounds. Tony can see it in the god's eyes, everything from concern over fear to frustration. It's horrible, it is, and it doesn't make anything better.

“We're here since a whole week”, Tony forces himself to say. “A whole week, Loki – two other ships sunk in that time. The whole time it's been down there, and you – you didn't say _anything_.”

“I told you I did not realize”, Loki shoots back, getting defensive again. “I told you. If you think I'm lying, then -”

“I _know_ you're not lying.” Tony sucks in a breath and stands up, not able to sit still anymore. “I know. I believe you.”

A deep line settles down between Loki's eyes as he frowns, looking at Tony in something similar to confusion. It doesn't take long until that clears up, though, and his face gets awfully blank again.

“I see.”

Tony freezes, his fidgety hands stopping to rub over his jeans. “Huh?”

“You believe me”, Loki states, cocking his head in a way that drives Tony mad. “And you are not comfortable with trusting me. Is that the problem?”

Tony stares at the mage for a moment, and then something snaps and he _knows_ he should keep his mouth shut and of course he talks anyway because he has always lacked a proper brain-to-mouth filter.

“I don't know”, he says, not even trying to keep his voice steady anymore. “I don't know if it's a problem that I _trust_ the actual fucking God of Mischief and Lies and Chaos and whatever else, who happens to have kids that pull some serious Bermuda triangle shit, and I don't know if it's a problem that I _don't even mind_. Should I worry about that? Tell me, Lokes, because I really don't know.”

Loki blinks at him, seemingly at loss for words. If the circumstances were different, Tony would be proud to have made the Silvertongue speechless, but now, the inventor's hands have begun fidgeting again, his chest heaving while he stares at the god, searching. He doesn't even know what he's looking for – maybe something along the lines of _hey, it's alright, we'll be fine,_ but hearing such words out of Loki's mouth isn't something he expects right now, and he can't read them in the god's expression either. Loki looks a little bit stunned, in fact, and that line between his eyes has reappeared, so he's probably busy taking Tony's words apart in order to understand their meaning.

Eventually, the mage speaks, voice quiet and eyes cautious. “I won't betray you, Tony.”

“Yeah”, Tony replies flatly. “You better don't.”

He shakes his head and takes a breath, narrowing his mind on other things. More important things, because it's just like Bruce said – they still have a problem here.

“What are we supposed to do now?”, he asks, perfectly aware that his voice is a little bit too harsh. “It's still down there, and -

“He.”

Tony stumbles a little bit over the correction, but he swallows down the mild feeling of _what the fuck?_ and nods. “He. Yes, sure. Sorry. Mind if I call him Jor?”

Loki shakes his head, and there's this look in his eyes that borders on gratitude, and it makes Tony force himself to calm down a little.

“We can't let him continue like this”, he says, glad his that voice sounds steadier than before. “Okay? We have to stop this somehow. But we can't tell SHIELD or – damn, we can't tell _anybody._ Everyone would freak out, and they'd try to corner and hurt him, probably, so -”

“I won't let that happen”, Loki dismisses gruffly, his mouth forming a thin line. “If you think I -”

“I _know_ that.” Tony huffs, wishing for a pillow to throw at the god's head. “Did you listen to me? I'm telling you here that we won't tell anybody, safe from Bruce, of course. Okay? We have to keep it a secret, and we'll think of a nice story to cover it up.”

At that, Loki's face lights up. “Ah. Good.”

“And we'll think of another way to stop him”, Tony adds. “ _You_ will think of something, because I have no fucking clue how to make an alien snake stop playing Battleship.”

“He is just bored, probably”, Loki says quietly.

Because yes, that makes sense. Of course Loki's kid would pull ship sinking pranks just because he's bored. Runs in the family, kind of.

“Great”, Tony says. “Really. And what can we do about that? Go down there with a few board games to give him something new to play with?”

Loki almost rolls his eyes, but somehow he doesn't seem comfortable enough to do it. Which is quite unusual. “I can talk to him”, he says then. “He probably already knows that I'm here.”

Which also makes sense, now that Tony thinks about it. Their ship didn't sink, after all. They haven't even had slight turmoil, so maybe Jor intends to keep his dad safe? How cute.

“Good”, Tony says, because _whatever_. “Then we should start with upgrading my suit, and when we're done we can -”

“No.”

Tony blinks and stares at the god. “No to what?”

“You don't have to accompany me”, Loki clarifies, looking at Tony as if he knows _exactly_ that the inventor won't like to hear these words.

Tony narrows his eyes and shakes his head. “No chance. We've talked about this. We'll go together.”

“No.” Loki sounds decisive, acting as if it's _his_ choice rather than Tony's. “There simply is no need for that. Jörmungandr will -”

“No chance”, Tony repeats, spitting the words out. “You won't change my mind on this. Hear me? We _will_ go together.”

Loki stays quiet for a moment, apparently pondering over what to say. The words he decides on cause a cold knot to form in Tony's stomach, because they're spoken with the plain knowledge that Loki has the upper hand here and Tony can't do _anything_ about it.

“I won't enchant your suit”, Loki says simply.

“We agreed that we would dive together”, Tony insists, speaking slowly while trying to stay calm.

“The conditions changed, Tony.”

Okay, _forget_ staying calm, and forget being reasonable. He wants to shout at the mage, throw some pretty unkind words at his head, but suddenly his throat is too tight to say anything. And so, he just shakes his head and huffs a joyless little laugh before he turns away from Loki. The inventor heads to the door, intending to find himself a problem he can try to fix because _this_ problem just seems unfixable right now.

“Tony”, Loki says, holding him back.

Tony comes to a halt, but he doesn't turn around. Instead, he stares at the door in front of him, his hands curled into fists. “What?”

Loki hesitate, takes eternities to say something until Tony thinks there won't be an answer at all. “Do not walk out on me without telling me why”, Loki says then. “Please.”

Yeah, nice move. Tony knows he's said those exact words in the morning – without the 'please', but anyway –, and _of course_ Loki uses them against him right now. And isn't that just as fair as it's annoying.

Tony snorts and turns around to look at the trickster, almost choking on the words he wanted to say as soon as he meets Loki's eyes. It's quite obvious that the god is in distress. There aren't any sparks coming off of him, but his hands are fidgeting in that way they always do when he's nervous. The already fragile mask he's been wearing has cracked up entirely by now, baring every emotion that, until now, has only flared up in Loki's eyes when his control slipped.

“As if you don't know what's wrong”, Tony snaps, watching as the god contracts his brows in helpless confusion.

“I merely wish to keep you safe”, Loki says, and maybe it would sound meek if there weren't that defiant note lingering in his voice.

“I don't need to be _kept safe_ , for fuck's sake!”

At Tony's raised voice, Loki narrows his eyes, but he doesn't get to say something before Tony continues. The mage watches and listens as Tony rants, and maybe there is the occasional green or golden spark emerging from his hands, but Tony barely notices.

“I get that you worry about me, and yay, thank you for that, but I'm not a child”, Tony spits out. “Okay? I'm no helpless pushover in need of protection, and it's up to _me_ to choose when and how I want to risk my damn life. That's not your decision to make. It's about time you get that into your stubborn head.”

“You wouldn't let me go alone either”, Loki objects, taking the chance when Tony stops talking for a second. " _You_ decided that we go together, without asking me if -

“Because we're supposed to be a _team_ , you and me”, Tony shoots back, gesturing around between them. “Equals, okay? I want us to be that. We _agreed_ to go together, to protect _each other_ , and that's what we're going to fucking do. Have each other's backs, without you commanding me around because you think you know what's best for me.”

Loki's lips are pressed together, his eyes searching Tony's face for something. He seems troubled, but somehow Tony doubts that his words have stirred anything.

“You're mortal, Tony”, Loki says eventually, his hands intertwining in that nervous manner of his. “We aren't equal.”

Tony stares at him, blinking, and he feels as if he's just been punched in the gut – the feeling comes complete with hurting insides and a sour taste in his mouth, and he wishes he could strike that almost sad look out of Loki's eyes.

“So you think I'm _less_ than you are”, he says, bitterness dripping from the words. “Is that it?”

“No”, Loki says instantly, stepping closer in what seems to be in impulse. “Of course not, Tony, just – more... fragile than I am.”

“Fragile”, Tony repeats. “Was I _fragile_ when you tossed me out of that fucking window? Or when I flew into that _nothing_ , or in Siberia? I've come through tons of shit without your godly help, Loki, and I don't need you or your protection to survive.”

The change in Loki's posture is barely visible – but Tony can see it, just like he can see through so many of Loki's masks. The god shrinks and his shoulders hunch, his mouth twitching as he looks at Tony with no words passing his lips.

“Our twenty minutes are probably up”, Tony says, his voice blank. “I'll go and join Bruce before he gets too anxious.” Once more, he turns away and approaches the door, speaking over his shoulder. “Enchant my suit or don't, I can't force you to. Go diving alone, if you want to. I don't care.”

A lie, of course. Tony is sure Loki knows, and he's also sure that, yes, now he has fucked up. When Loki speaks again, the inventor is halfway through the door already, stopping briefly to listen.

“What if – what if _I_ need you?”, Loki asks. It sounds as if he has to violently force the words to stumble from his lips. “What if I can't bear the thought of loosing you?”

“Well, I'm mortal, aren't I? I'll die anyway. Better get used to that fact early on.”

Loki doesn't reply anything, and Tony leaves him behind to go looking for Bruce.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (It gets better, I promise.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bruce is the voice of reason, Tony feels kind of bad and Loki is unusually honest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! My weekend was kind of busy, so I just couldn't make it.  
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! I hope you like the last part. Let me know what you think! <3

The paper is frustratingly blank. There isn't one single useful thought in Tony's head that he could write down, even though he's sure that there were tons of ideas yesterday. But now? Nothing.

He has decided to just use his suit without any magical upgrades – he can go underwater in it, after all, and with a few amendments it should be possible to dive deep enough. But he can't clear his mind enough to _think_ properly, and it's fucking annoying.

“You know he'll do it on his own”, Bruce says with his zen-like calmness. “You won't get your suit ready fast enough.”

“Thanks, Brucey, I know.” With a sigh he drops his pencil on the table, determined not to meet the other scientist's eyes. Too much sympathy in them, anyway.

“It's been two hours. You should talk to him.”

“Yup, you said that before.”

Somehow, Bruce managed to make Tony talk – even if he had to keep up with a lot of snarks and rebuffs. He knows the most important facts by now. That their sea monster is Loki's son, that they won't tell anybody, that Loki will give not so little Jor a lecture about why it's not okay to make perfectly harmless ships sink all the time.

And that Tony has fucked up, of course. Bruce gave him a nice little pep talk, saying things like “fighting is normal” and “I'm sure it will be fine” and “Stop sulking, Tony”. And Bruce isn't done yet, he is _still_ trying to talk some sense into him. As if Tony didn't figure out that he overreacted on his own already.

“I don't think he meant to hurt you”, Bruce is saying in the moment as he's sitting on the bench next to Tony. By now a slightly scolding undertone has found its way into Bruce's otherwise calm and kind voice.

Tony snorts, grabbing up his pencil again to at least pretend to do something useful. “Well, I think he _knew_ he would, but did it anyway.”

“He knows you very well, I guess”, Bruce replies, nodding thoughtfully. “But... maybe it was just the - I don't know, the next logical step for him. As long as we didn't know what's down there, it made sense that you'd go together. But now we _do_ know, and since that thing is his son -”

“He”, Tony cuts in. “Jor.”

“Jor”, Bruce repeats slowly. “Okay. Since it's _Jor,_ maybe it'd be just better if Loki went alone.”

“Yeah, he clearly wants to.”

“He just doesn't want to put you in danger when there's no _need_ for that. I think that's – well, quite reasonable.”

Tony just scoffs at that, causing Bruce to sigh softly.

“Tony, that's his _son_. They probably haven't seen each other in a while, and maybe Loki would be happy about a chance to speak to him, well, in private. You know?”

Tony doesn't say anything in return, just stares at the blank paper in front of him.

“And Loki probably knows how to handle him, far better than you do. And he always likes to do missions on his own. He just -”

“He doesn't need me.”

That's the truth, isn't it? Plain and simple and damn annoying – Loki does not need him. The god has lived years over years without him, and he will live without him again. And in the time between, time they spend _together_ , Tony is... pretty much useless, in fact, especially for somebody like Loki.

At least that's what a part of Tony thinks. Another part believes – wants to believe – that Loki _does_ need him, maybe not for missions and for handling his kids, but for... other things? Hell, Tony doesn't know.

“Tony, this is _one_ mission”, Bruce pulls him out of his thoughts. “And not even a real one, more like a family thing. That he wants to do this alone doesn't mean he doesn't need or want you at his side, okay?”

“He said we're not equal”, Tony mutters, spinning the pencil in his hand. “What does that say about him? If he thinks I'll do everything he wants just because he's that arrogant alien god that he is, he's wrong.”

“He _is_ a god, after all”, the scientist says pensively. “Or at least powerful enough to be one.”

“So you're saying he's right?”

“You're human”, Bruce shrugs, “and he's grown up as an Aesir. Of course you aren't equal in the strict sense of the word, you know how _strong_ they are.”

“That doesn't give him the right to decide anything over my head.”

“He just wants to keep you safe.”

Tony rolls his eyes, remembering how Loki used exact these words as well. He still holds back a snarky comment, the guilt settling in his chest keeping him in check.

“How old is he, do you know that?”, Bruce asks.

Tony lifts his shoulders. “A few thousand years? No idea.”

“And he's still young by asgardian standards.”

Tony affirms that with a hum.

“I imagine it's frightening. Caring for someone whose life is so much shorter than his own, I mean.”

Tony stiffens, the pencil almost sliding out of his grip. “He doesn't – he doesn't _care_ for me.”

Bruce chuckles. “We both know that he does.”

“No, he's just – I don't know, weirdly possessive. He doesn't want me to get myself killed because he considers me his. His twisted mind works like that.”

“Nonsense”, Bruce scolds gently before he shrugs again. “I mean, I don't say that's not true, because his mind _is_ twisted like that, probably, but that's not the main reason he acts like he does.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Remember that I noticed both of your pining before you did”, Bruce says dryly. “You're not the only one who can see behind his masks, now and then.”

Tony sighs, lifting his hands to rub his eyes. “Yes, you've done an awesome job playing Amor. Hell, this is all your fault. If you hadn't told Thunderbird about this mission when he visited, then -”

“Come on, as if you're angry about that.” Bruce just laughs at Tony's scowl. “You're just to shy to say how thankful you are.”

Tony snorts, but he can't help but smile a little. “Shy, my ass.”

“Just go and talk to him.”

Tony stares down at the blank paper. Still, no ideas.

Ah, fuck it.

“JARVIS, where is he?”

“ _In the room where you store your suits, Sir. Enchanting one of them, as far as I can see._ ”

Oh. Great. _Now_ he feels really bad indeed.

 

Five minutes later, Tony stands in front of the door to said room, scratching his nape while gathering the courage to open it. He briefly wonders if he should knock, which is all ten kinds of ridiculous. Tony Stark doesn't knock at the door of his own lab, Tony Stark just _enters_.

And so, that's what he does, prepared to approach Loki directly as soon as the door has closed behind him. But as soon as he sees the god, sitting on a bench and hunched over the work table in front of him, Tony comes to an abrupt halt. Yeah, there he is – actually enchanting the suit. Tony doesn't know why, thinking that Loki must be furious at him. Maybe it's a defiance thing? Or the mage is _cursing_ the Iron Man suit, that's possible as well. Maybe Tony will get itchy rash and hallucinations the next time he wears it. Well, he deserves it, probably.

Loki doesn't turn around, doesn't even look up even if he must know of the inventor's presence. Tony hesitates, but it soon gets clear that Loki won't react, Tony forces himself to take the last steps. Now he can look over Loki's shoulder, and he sees that the mage's eyes are closed, a deeply concentrated expression on his face. His hands are glowing green, hovering over Tony's suit on the table. Suddenly, his magic flickers, his mouth twitches, and his eyes open as he hisses another Asgardian curse Tony doesn't understand. He throws a positively fuming glance at Tony.

“You're disturbing me.”

“Sorry. Uh.” Tony blinks, searching Loki's face for a sign that it's okay that he's here. “I just, er... think we should talk?”

Loki looks down at his hands that stopped glowing and sighs. “We probably should, yes.”

Tony nods, but hesitates – god, he hates things like this – before he sits down next to Loki, facing the door instead of the work table. He avoids looking at the mage, staring down instead. They stay silent for a long while, a million things and words rushing through Tony's mind but none passing his lips. But Loki doesn't say anything either, and one of them _has_ to start.

“I'm sorry”, he blurts out eventually, feeling the body next to him tensing up even more.

“Oh?”

Tony scratches his wrists, searching for the right words. “I shouldn't have said...”, he says, the words coming out in not much more than a whisper, “well, what I said. It wasn't... very nice.”

“It wasn't”, Loki agrees. “But maybe I shouldn't have -”

“No”, Tony cuts in, shaking his head. “No, you – You were right. I think. It's just – you hit a sore point, you know, and I freaked out.”

Tony practically listens to the seconds go by, each of them feeling longer than they could possibly be. His heart is pounding fast and his palms are sweating, and every single part of him wants to _flee_ this conversation, because he isn't ready to hear out of Loki's mouth that Tony has ruined this, whatever exactly it is. Are they boyfriends already? Kind of, right? He _thinks_ of them as lovers, but that doesn't exactly mean _commitment_ , and god, Tony isn't really fond of commitment, usually – because commitment means responsibility and responsibility is goddamn frightening – but maybe he's fucked up every chance he might -

“I don't think you are in any way less worth than I am, Tony”, Loki says eventually, so quiet that the words are only barely audible. “I do not see myself standing above you, not anymore. I just meant that we are... not the same.”

Tony forces his rambling thoughts to calm down, to concentrate on what's happening right here, and so he sucks in a sharp breath and nods. “Yes, I think I get it. I mean, I know we're not the same. I know you're more powerful than me, and stronger and you have magic and stuff, and... I just, I don't know, I...”

“It bothers you”, Loki fills in when Tony fails at finding any words to say. The trembling of the god's voice is so slight that Tony barely doesn't notice. “That I am not human, like you are.”

At that, Tony turns his head and promptly meets Loki's eyes, flinching when he sees the deep green strained with pain. The inventor shakes his head, his fingers digging into his pants to keep from reaching out to the mage.

“No, that doesn't bother me”, he says firmly. “I wouldn't change a single – hell, _you_ should be bothered that I _am_ human.”

Loki just looks at him, his expression a little bit annoyed, Tony thinks, and the inventor doesn't know whether that's a “Yes, it bothers me, dumb mortal” or a “You're stupid to even think that”. Could be both, really. Whatever, Loki stays silent, and Tony feels himself compelled to ramble.

“You said it yourself”, Tony says, huffing a laugh, “I'm fragile. So much weaker than you are. You must think me _useless_ , and it's true – I mean, there's not a single thing I can give you, or help you with. You'll get by perfectly without me, but I'd be... ”

Tony shuts his mouth and swallows before he can say anything very very stupid. He looks away again, not able to hold Loki's gaze.

“Tony”, the god says, voice quiet but urgent. “Have you not heard what I said?”

“What? When?”

“Before you left.”

 _What if_ I _need you? What if I can't bear the thought of loosing you?_

Tony looks at Loki again just to want to turn away again instantly. The emotions in Loki's eyes are raw and awful, so blatantly showing how upset he is, and Tony can't stand it. But there's nothing he can do, so he just nods and stares at the god.

“I meant it”, Loki says, eyes searching Tony's face, and the engineer nods again.

He nods, but he doesn't say anything, because he has no idea what that _means._ Yeah, Tony remembers what Bruce said, words about _caring_ , and he surely knows what he himself is feeling. But as good as he is in guessing what Loki feels now and then, he still can't see into the god's head, and hell, he doesn't even want to. He can't tell what Loki _wants_ – he knows the mage isn't in this only for a few weeks of meaningless sex and occasional cuddles, that's pretty obvious by now. But still, Tony isn't sure what this is about. They both aren't easily retained, they both don't want to be _chained_ to anything, ever so afraid of getting strangled by it. They both need time alone, time to tinker and to think, and both of them are broken. This is already a mess before it has even really started, and somehow Tony wouldn't have it any other way. But – _what if I can't bear the thought of loosing you?_ The words are ringing in his head, and he remembers the look in Loki's eyes – deep and green and fucking terrified – and Tony doesn't know _why_.

It irks him, it drives him goddamn mad that he can't think of a single real and justified reason why he, damaged asshole that he is, is the one that Loki is that scared of loosing. Granted, he's funny and definitely nice to look at and a literal genius; he's arrogant enough to be sure of all his good qualities, but the list with his faults and malfunction is longer. _Too long_.

No one stays with him. No one trusts him, not fully. The Avengers are still split because of him, even though they have to work together now and then. There's nobody to stand at his side just because of him, because he _deserves_ it. Not until -

Not until that space ship landed in Norway. Not until Bruce came back, and not until Loki. Who kept visiting him, who started to talk and work and _live_ with him, cautious and devious and, well – awed, now and then. And the mocking smirk turned to a real smile, the green eyes became softer with time, even if the mage tried to hide it. And now, Tony remembers how the sparks of Loki's felt on his own skin this morning, and thinks of how Loki regards him with stunned awe every time Tony _sees_ the mage and everything he's worth.

And, yeah – _what if_ I _need you?_

“Tony?”, Loki asks.

The name still sounds weird coming from those lips, even though Tony would enjoy hearing it immensely if the situation were different. It's still unfamiliar, but the tense worry is not. Tony realizes that he's been quiet for an awfully long time, just staring at the god next to him, and that his throat somehow is too tight to say something.

He tries, anyway, not looking at Loki while forcing the words out.

“I don't – There's no reason for you to... I don't understand _why.”_

And Loki laughs, startling Tony into looking at him again. “Why”, the god repeats, smiling as if it's the funniest and saddest thing he's ever heard. “I thought that's obvious.”

Tony frowns, clearing his throat to chase away the rasp. “Is it? You don't seem the type for, uh... big emotional investments, you know.”

Loki's smile fades. “I try not to be. But I am, just like you.” He lifts his shoulders, and Tony can't help but think that the mage looks small, suddenly. Loki's fingers draw absentminded circles on his thighs as he continues speaking, furling his eyebrows. “Feeling too fast, too deeply. Too much. It's annoying.”

Tony _knows_ that. But it's amazing that Loki admits it as well, leaving the inventor somewhat stunned. His thoughts are still reeling and he doesn't know what to say, but it turns out that he doesn't need to.

“I thought you knew”, Loki mutters as if speaking to himself, eyes absently fixed on his own hands. “You behaved as if you did.”

And yes, that's probably right. Tony _did_ know that Loki was interested for a very long time, but he still has no idea why or exactly in what. Loki looks up again, expression less worried than determined by now, and moves closer, so their thighs are almost touching.

“It does bother me”, the god tells him quietly, “that you're human, I mean. But not because of the reasons you think of.”

“Oh, great, then -”

But Loki interrupts him in mid sentence. “Tony, would you just... listen, for a moment?”

He sounds mildly exasperated, so Tony nods and keeps his mouth shut. Loki waits a second before he continues, shifting a little on the bench.

“I have taken human lovers only rarely”, the says then. “I remember... two, I think. Yes. The most of your kin are dull and boring, and simply not worth my time. And I regret taking those two until today – the shortness of your lives is certain to cause pain. I never wanted to repeat that. So I searched my partners in the other eight realms, and I found plenty.”

Tony scoffs at that – because he loves to hear that he's just another addition to Loki's great collection of lovers – and he already has a sharp comment on his lips, but suddenly Loki grasps his hands, causing Tony to almost choke on his words.

“But _nobody_ has ever made my magic act like this”, Loki says, so much awe in his voice that Tony wants to look at him again, but he's unable to avert his eyes from their entwined hands.

He can feel it, he thinks – a barely there buzzing beneath Loki's skin, his fingertips warm were sparks are not yet flying. Before Tony can comment on that he's distracted by lips ghosting over his temple.

“And now you -” A breathless little laugh against his skin before Loki rests his forehead to Tony's temple. “ _You_ , a mortal with a life as fleeting as a day of an Aesir's life – I feel like I am brimming over because of you. And I am scared, I _am_. Scared that you do not need me as much as I need you, that you do not _want_ me as much as I want you. And always scared to loose you. I would never – never admit such things to anyone else.” Loki exhales an almost shaky breath. “You have too much power over me, Tony. I _want_ you to have it, _I am giving it to you_ , and maybe that is the most scaring thing of all.”

Tony just stares, eyes wide, feeling Loki breathe against his cheek, and there's nothing Tony can say. Loki whispered those words, so quiet that Tony almost hasn't caught them all even though the god's mouth is so near to Tony's ear. So quiet that maybe, just maybe, JARVIS hasn't caught them at all – and Tony understands. He knows that the words were something nobody was ever meant to hear, that Loki never wanted anyone to know. There are so many things Tony would like to say in response, so much senseless rambling, and he almost has to bite his tongue to keep the words inside. Instead of replying anything, he just closes in, holds Loki's hands tighter, and the god puts his chin on Tony's hair when there's almost too little space between them.

“I do not think you weak, Tony”, Loki continues softly, “or useless. I _know_ you are everything but. If you want me, then I will stay at your side until you decide otherwise. Not because you need me, but because _I_ need _you._ ”

There's only silence, for a long time. They stay like this, in a position that's not really the embrace Tony wants. And it is as if Loki can read his mind, because he shifts and wraps his arms around Tony who buries his face in the god's neck. The engineer waits, because maybe there are more vulnerable words Loki has to say, but no, nothing. He listens to Loki's breathing for a while, feels the tension in the body that's almost wrapped around him, and searches for words on his part.

“I'm mortal”, he ends up mumbling.

“You are”, Loki breathes.

“I will die, some day. I don't -”, he sucks in a breath, “I don't want to cause you pain. I don't want to be _forgotten_ and -”

“You won't be”, Loki cuts in, holding him tighter, and Tony shakes his head.

“You get bored so easily”, he sighs. “One day, you will -”

“ _No._ ”

And there are hands on his shoulders, stronger than any human could be and pushing him away. Loki looks at him, almost angrily.

“I meant what I said”, he says again, slowly. As if challenging Tony to object. “Everything. Did you not listen to me?”

“I did, but-”

“Do you _want_ me to leave?”

“No”, Tony replies instantly. “No, I – no. Never.”

Loki just keeps looking at him as if he doesn't really believe him. His fingers dig into Tony's shoulders too fiercely but Tony ignores the dull pain, _wanting_ Loki to know that Tony's brimming over as well, just as Loki is. But he isn't good with deep, meaningful words, and the first sentence that comes to his mind doesn't seem to be enough to convince the mage.

“I need you, too.”

“You said you didn't.”

“Because I'm fucking scared, just like you”, Tony replies, wishing his voice wouldn't tremble that much. “And I'm an idiot, and I'm sorry. I just – I don't work well with being told what to do, or with feeling inferior, but I – I need you, too. I _want_ you, too. Have wanted you for so long already, I -” Tony takes a shaky breath and tries a smile that ends up just as shaky and fades again within seconds. “I always drive everybody away, in the end. Nobody ever stays. But – you're important. You really are. I want you to stay.”

“I told you that I will”, Loki says, voice firm, and Tony believes him.

Loki wants to stay, and the God of Mischief always does what he wants, right? Maybe he can keep up with Tony, even when he's ridiculous and selfish and mean, because Loki has his lapses as well and Tony can and _will_ keep up with them. That's what Tony thinks right now – that they're both equal in their brokenness, most of the time, and maybe that's exactly what they need. What they never had, until now.

“I'm sorry”, Tony says again.

“Accepted”, Loki replies, and then he sighs and leans in again to rest his forehead to Tony's. The god closes his eyes. “I never meant to make you feel inferior. I should apologize as well.”

“Accepted”, Tony repeats.

He feels Loki's hands wander upwards until they cradle his face, the fingertips only ghosting over his skin. He can feel Loki's magic right there, and he remembers once more that Loki was happy this morning, happy because of _Tony_ , and maybe, just maybe, he is happy again, right now. Or will be, sometime soon.

Loki is surprised when Tony closes in to kiss the mage, the way he sucks in a breath with a barely audible gasp tells Tony that. But Loki is quick to adjust and to return the kiss – just lips moving against lips for a while, slow and a little bit wary. Nothing compared to the kisses they shared last night, but _good_ , anyway, and ever so relieving.

When they break away again, Tony opens his eyes and sees that Loki smiles, faint but without any sign of bitterness.

“So”, he breathes, causing Loki to open his eyes as well. “We're good?”

Loki hums and nods before kissing Tony again, only briefly. “I think that we are. What now?”

Tony doesn't have to think about it. He carefully frees himself out of Loki's embrace. “Now”, he says, softly nudging the mage's chest, “you'll go for a swim and talk some sense into your son.”

Loki quirks a brow. “I am not yet done with your suit.”

“You can carry that on later, if you want to.”

The trickster looks at Tony pensively for a moment. “Are you sure?”, he asks then.

Tony rolls his eyes and stands up, stretching a little. “Of course I am, Lokes. I'll stay here with Bruce. I'm not in the mood to get wet, anyway.”

Loki snorts and shakes his head. “Why didn't you say so right away?”, he mutters with a sigh, but he still smiles when he gets up from the bench.

“Because I like a little drama.”

“Of course you do.”

They look at each other, both smirking, and god, Tony wants to get closer again. Wants to be certain that they _will_ be fine. But he reminds himself to be patient (and not too clingy after their first real fight), and so he takes care to stay where he is and put his mind on other things.

“So, do you need anything for your trip? Floaties, maybe?”

Loki frowns. “No, I do not need anything. Come.” And he takes Tony's hand, firmly entwining their fingers, and leads him out of the room. “What are 'floaties'?”

Tony chuckles. “Swimming aids for children. To help them stay above the water.”

“Ah. Well, they would be quite useless, since I need to get beneath the surface, right?”

“It was a joke, Bambi. Stop nitpicking.”

Tony gets a dirty look for the nickname and responds with his most lovely smile that only makes Loki roll his eyes. When they reach the deck of the ship, they are joined by Bruce. The scientist looks relieved when he sees them together, giving Tony his best “I told you so” glance. And of course Loki picks that up, smirking knowingly. Tony already knows the god will ask about that later.

“I will be back in two hours”, Loki announces when they stand at the railing. “Probably earlier.”

“How exactly do you plan to do this?”, Tony asks, nervousness bubbling up in his chest.

“I'll shapeshift”, Loki answers vaguely. “Do not worry, Tony. I'll be fine.”

“Yeah, I know. Sure. Be careful, anyway.”

Loki smiles at him and nods, barely averting his eyes from Tony when Bruce talks to him.

“Is there any way you can contact us from down there?”, the scientist asks, a worried line between his eyes. “If anything goes wrong.”

“I will find a way to let you know, should there be the need.”

Loki would seem completely unperturbed if there wasn't the slight impatience coloring his voice. Tony can even see the pleasant anticipation in his eyes, and he thinks that Bruce was right, of course he was. Loki looks forward to see his son and speak to him again, like every father would, probably. Well, most of them, anyway. It almost isn't weird anymore that Loki's son happens to be a giant snake on the bottom of the sea.

“Good”, Tony says. “Two hours, from now on. Tell Jor I said hi.”

Loki's smile widens as he nods again, and then he is gone.

Tony frowns a little – he has kinda hoped to get a parting kiss, but maybe that didn't happen because of Bruce? They hadn't talked about how they want to act in front of him or any of the other Avengers. Ugh, in front of Thor. Tony isn't sure if he wants to face the big blonde god any time soon; he has no idea what the Thunderer would think about this. Maybe he and Loki should talk about that before returning from their trip.

“Are you okay?”, Bruce pulls him out of his thoughts. “Tony?”

“Yeah, sure, I'm fine.”

“It seemed like you made it up with each other.”

“We did”, Tony says. “We're good. Thanks for kicking my ass earlier.”

“Anytime.” Bruce smiles and inclines his head. “I'm going to eat something, I think. Haven't had anything since breakfast. What about you?”

Tony declines, and so Bruce goes inside on his own while Tony stays where he is. The inventor sits down and dangles his legs, just like he and Loki did yesterday. He expects Bruce to check on him now and then, and that he does, every half hour.

It takes one hour and forty minutes, in the end – earlier, just like Loki has promised. Tony can feel the fleeting surge of magic in the air, and so he doesn't startle when the god sits down behind him. The body pressing against his back isn't even wet, and the legs between which he now sits look just as long and stunning as always, so it seems that Loki has already changed back.

“Will you ever tell me what you shapeshifted into?”, Tony asks.

“Mhh.” Loki nuzzles the inventor's neck, and Tony can feel him smile. “Maybe, yes. Some day.”

“So, everything went good? No more sinking ships?”

“No more”, Loki promises, and then: “Jörmungandr greets you back.”

Tony has to laugh. “Seriously?”

Loki hums affirmatively. Then he wraps his arms around Tony's middle and pulls him back, closer against his chest. Tony exhales and leans against the god, closing his eyes. Just enjoying this as long as it lasts.

 


End file.
